


Japes Aside

by raygunnerdown



Category: Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare, SHAKESPEARE William - Works
Genre: M/M, Mercutio is so in love it makes me sick, This is really short but bear with me, one-sided, play format, written in shakespearean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2014-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-26 08:18:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2644736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raygunnerdown/pseuds/raygunnerdown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys get drunk. Mercutio gets upset. Romeo tries to help, but he just doesn't understand.</p><p>Set before the events of Romeo and Juliet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Japes Aside

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a school assignment. My English teacher liked it, so I thought you guys might, too. Criticism is appreciated!

Act 1, Scene 1

_Enter **MERCUTIO** , holding a mostly-empty glass of wine. He drinks, emptying it. **ROMEO** follows him in, swaying. He puts an arm around **MERCUTIO'S** shoulders. _

**MERCUTIO** Pray tell, dearest Romeo - to what sequestered locale have our spirits removed? Alas, this night has stolen our wine, my smile -  **_ROMEO_** _staggers._

\- and thy footing.

 **ROMEO** Such a ghastly resolve time wreaks, to steal our wine! But hold - what affliction of the heart plagues thee so? Have your feet been sewn to the ground by this fairy queen you discourse so often on, and yet deny when prompted for explanation? Has the moon in her luminescence shone down upon your eyes, so that your mind aches with the light? Is it a maiden, beyond your grasp?

 **MERCUTIO** Aye, a maiden with hair spun of gold, and thighs as smooth as winter's silk - that remain closed no matter how warmly the winds blow.

 **ROMEO** Ah, you jest, rapscallion! 'Tis my fair Rosalie whose visage doth fall from your lips. Tell me true, sweet wag, bawcock dear - what ails your roguish heart?

_Enter **BENVOLIO** , followed by a **SERVANT** carrying a carafe of wine. _

**MERCUTIO** Soft, Romeo - thy sweet coz Benvolio approaches, and with wine, o summer's day!

 **BENVOLIO** Fear thee not, my parched fellows - thy cries of thirst have reached the empyrean, and beseeched the seraphs above to send their fairest with relief. Behold! 

_The **SERVANT** refills their glasses._

**ROMEO** Grammercy, coz! Pay heed to thyself, Mercutio: this virility is air-thin as a harlot's veil - mine eyes do see through deceit, and to the bottom of this I will aim. Tell me true!

 **BENVOLIO** Hark - Mercutio with feeling? Romeo with wits gathered, at attention for naught but the sake of a friend? What witchcraft is wrought anight! I beseech thee, do carry on!

 **MERCUTIO** _(Putting aside his glass)_ Be hanged, ye meddlers! Is it mine ailments you will into the light? Dost my woefully unreturned affection strike your fancy? Or pr'aps 'tis that their affections would only be cast upon my path as scraps to a dog - that the matter of semblance is utmost in their mind and that mine own semblance does not the standards meet? They bestow their gaze upon every passing lover that seems like to misuse their love, and yet - my chances are worse off than Apollo with fair Daphne. Has thy curiosity been contented, or shall I repeat myself? _(To the **SERVANT** )_ Another glass, if it ails you not. This discourse leaves my throat raw.

 **ROMEO** Why conceal this secret love of yours? Why, in consort, we could have inaugurated a gentlemen's club for spurned lovers!

 **BENVOLIO** Japes aside, this condition is never wholly without hope; verily you are, beyond all contest, a match for up to the haughtiest gentlewomen. Perchance word of this love has yet to journey from your lip to her ear?

 **MERCUTIO** Out upon thy journeys of ardor! Out on ye romantics, ye ceaseless professors of love - how to Romeo, you cur, the part of unrequited lover _delights_. Deny it not - your heart is known to me! Little honor hast my humble frame, and yet sense's dregs do quell all will to beg the favor of those who desire me not in that fashion.

 **ROMEO** Now, friend, 'tis sure that any likely lady would gladden to have you!

 **MERCUTIO** Ha. Aye, any likely _lady_.

_Exeunt._


End file.
